Dilemmas. Cross roads. T-junctions. Dead ends. It really doesn’t matter how it appears to be disguised. My emotions freely ride the rollercoaster desperately seeking some peace, some certainty.
‘It doesn’t rain, it pours’, they say.
And so here I find myself even struggling to write about my deepest battles. My hubby’s and mine. Facing life’s unforeseeable turns and twists together. What we always thought would be, is no longer.
Down to our last month of financial support from the bank’s so called assistance of a COVID loan. Down to one income, dreading what may or may not come. Forcefully and consciously pushing away the deeds of those who vengefully instigated some rash and rather harsh decisions resulting in this economic crisis – those who are well off; those who have used illicit means to steal wealth; those who seemingly appeared to be trustworthy.
These are truly unprecedented times of uncertainty and loss and anger.
But we are where we are now and it is indeed ok! This is not a coincidence (Coincidence or not). We have to see it as part of a much bigger, better, beautiful plan despite how dull and dark it may look and feel now. Otherwise, we may as well throw in the towel, throw our hands up in the air, snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and pledge our allegiance to a dying hopeless world, ceasing to exist, bending only to the wind, never knowing.
That place sounds so dark and oh so deep.
I have to admit that I am so grateful I am not alone in this, my hubby and I have each other and I have to say this time has indeed proven to be a blessing. My hubby is happier, more relaxed and even though there are those stressors that could pose some real threats in the near future, we are ok. We are strong. We are excited about what lies ahead. We choose to see beyond what we know now. There has to be hope. We have to have faith. So let’s stand together and believe in a better place and a life worth living.