Time is love

For those of you that have read my story (click My Story to read), you probably would have noticed that I just told the story as best as I could remember. A simple sequence of events (past) with a happy ending so to say, and a story that contributed in so many ways to who I am today (present).

What most people do not know, is what followed over the next three years. Those years were the hardest part of my story. The detail is certainly not important, but in a nutshell, I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress. It began roughly seven months after the incident. Despite the fact that I had somehow gotten back on the horse on numerous occasions back to the berg, this potentially in itself exacerbated the already declining sleep patterns. Before any realization, the damage had set in and escalated to a critical point where I could no longer function. Night terrors striking unexpectedly. It was horrible. No one really knew or could possibly feel what it was all about, leaving those closest to me helpless in their plight to be of any support. They could only watch and wait and I’m pretty sure prayed and prayed and prayed, while all I wanted to do was to remain highly medicated so that my reality would remain a distant blur.

Taking this high road cost me three years of my life. That’s 156 weeks gone. Over one thousand days gone. Never ever able to get them back.

The one thing I have always been proud of is to live without regrets, and I do not regret those years. I have to say that as much as I may have been out of control, I believe those many days and weeks and years were neccessary for my soul to mend and heal. And boy, when that day arrived and my mind was set free, believe me when I say the sky was indeed bluer. Every sense was heightened and intensely aware, so much so that it quenched and satisfied my soul beyond what words could ever express. No one can conjure up such an experience. I can only say it was a miracle.

And when reality did hit, it was just as painful as it was beautiful. It opened my eyes and my heart, it opened an old door in a new way, it gave me time, time I could utilise and start using for things so much bigger than myself.

Time is a gift. It’s all we have. The right now. This very moment. We will never get it back. And we should be cramming it with as much life giving and uplifting moments so much so that one falls in love with life. Time is not an illusion. Time is real. Time is love. The brevity of human life may many times feel like a heavy responsibility, but my plea is to not let it pass you by. It may not be easy but it is beautiful and worth everything.

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