Tales of a Paramedic

READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. DO NOT HARBOR OFFENSE.

I have said before that laughter is one of the most natural, cost effective medicines that can cure what doctors can’t, so give this one a chance.

Not so long ago, my husband started rambling in the car around what he thought paramedics said, when treating patients. Of course, being a qualified paramedic myself, I had a good giggle deep down inside because mostly what he said was true (keeping in mind we did not know each other during those years of my life). In reality, some paramedics do say things without realizing what they’ve said. I guess it is a much needed coping mechanism so to say, when dealing with those difficult scenes and patients.

It goes something like this…

Paramedic: This guys a goner.

Patient: What?

Paramedic: Oh crap? You alive!

End.

Paramedic: Damn, you’re not looking so good!

Patient: I dont feel so good!

Heart monitor: Long beep

End.

Paramedic: Holy comoly! That’s the longest intestine I’ve ever seen!

Friends standing around the braai: Dit is net boerewors ou vriend!

End.

Paramedic: I’m so tired of these guys dying on me. It’s my fifth one today.

Patient: (Eyes wide open)

End.

Paramedic: That cheese burger and chips is calling me! Does this look like your arm, it certainly has your colour?

Patient: (Passes out)

End.

Talking about arms, one of my favourite stories has to be my brother-in-law. A devout fireman in his day. Serving his country. Wholeheartedly and full of mischief.

Paramedic: Stop that traffic! I got a man down here.

Fireman: (Grabs the decapitated arm lying a few meters from the vehicle)

Slow down please.

(Waves the arm up and down)

End.

And one of my all time favourite stickers I wanted to design for an ambulance was a sticker that said:

One day when I grow up I want to be a hearse!

Ok that was a bit morbid! But funny nonetheless. Come on admit it, you did have a bit of a laugh?!

One thought on “Tales of a Paramedic

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