Hidden agendas

Why is it that one really struggles to find articles written by step-moms? Instead, one most commonly finds that the biological mom writes about and to the step-mom. Often in the form of letters.

In summary this is what they have to say:

  • Step-moms are the ones that bring imbalance
  • They are insincere
  • They disrupt the norm
  • They upset the comfortable environment of the kids

They seem to always be referred to as the evil step-mother!

But let’s just stop for a moment. There is a common denominator here – the man. A man apparently only good enough to provide financially for the kids in the biological moms views but not acceptable enough to be a husband! The result…divorce!

I am proud to say that I am a step-mom. I have a husband who yes, provides for his children as best he can, but even more so is far better to me as a husband than any other man ever could be. And this becomes a crucial building block of the foundation of a step-mom. Believe it or not, step-moms are cool even when they are constantly portrayed as the evil one.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am in no way putting down the biological moms (I do hope to be one one day!) and there are some really horrible woman out there that can do some serious damage. But the majority of us have married because of true love, common interests and loving what our man is all about, which includes the kids.

Of course this is never smooth sailing and there will most definitely be an imbalance at first, simply because it is all new. The new relationship is now on a whole different playing field. Lets face it, the previous marriage game was probably played in a boxing ring with unlimited rounds and no rules, hence the reason for a divorce. But now it’s out on a field. Out in the open. Out on new turf. New equipment. New technology. A brand new team (with the step-mom)!

A brand new team is obviously expected to go through the norming, storming, forming and performing stages. It’s in these critical and important stages that one often finds the biological mom interfering to put it frankly, and possibly with good reason. It may be that she feels threatened or may just want to make sure everyone knows she is The MOM at the end of the day. Whatever the reason, this is where it becomes difficult to allow the new family space to explore, experience (the good and bad) and grow.

I remember as a child that I honestly did not enjoy having a step-mom. My biological mom was my world. I have to now wonder how difficult I may have made it for my step-mom!?

However, that does not mean the ex-wife should take advantage and take the credit of the step-mom who is simply just trying to be a good woman, who has done nothing but support, love and build up her man and his children. We are generally more objective (ok that is a biased point of view!), and can see things from a totally different perspective. The bottom line is, we are just as fun to be with. We are 100 percent committed. No doubts and no regrets. And that’s what makes us proud to be a step-mom!

If we were just given a chance to prove our abilities I think the biological moms may just have a real challenge on their hands and may just start to think twice about us. But we are not out to challenge them. We are not out to prove that we are better than them. We all are doing the best we can given the circumstances. We are out to provide a family together with our husband and his kids, playing on our own turf, with our own rules, values and moral ethics! With no hidden agendas. In our home, this is our family now!

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