When something mysterious, unforeseen, sad or even magical happens, what do you think about it? How do you determine whether its coincidence or not? Or do you ignore the subtle suggestions and moments and settle with the answer of ‘that’s life’? Well, my husband and I are living proof that nothing happens by chance or coincidence.
Allow me to boast just a little. My husband. A man of principles. A man who stays well away from social media. A man who honestly tries to make the world a better place every single day (#my batman). A man who bends over backwards to accomplish things mostly by doing it the right way. A man who was deeply convinced that he would never marry again. A man who lived in a home called a man cave… just with a beer and a braai (#slight exageration)! And yet after some convincing from a friend, he obligingly creates a profile on Tinder, a well known dating app, agreeing to try for just a short period of time. For someone who has never really dabbled in social media, this was a massive leap over a chasm of fear and uncertainty that would literally drop him into a world of some undesirable hook ups and meets, a leap that would change the course of his life forever, good or bad, based on this one decision. But alas, his leap was guided by the One who had already planned it all!
I on the other hand, enjoyed a little social media and found this leap into the unknown quite exhilarating. As I am just a little bit of an adrenaline junkie, I guess this was a slightly easier challenge for me. But here’s the crux: I never swiped a like on divorcees. I never swiped a like on a man who mentioned he had children or had a profile picture of his kids. I never swiped a like on anyone who was holding a beer bottle or any alcoholic drink for that matter. I believed in the absolute best and that’s what I deserved and wanted. But, just this once I did swipe a like, and so did he!
That’s all it took. Despite all possible reasoning and logic and science around fate and chance, we met, we dated, we fell in love, got engaged and entered into a beautiful marriage knowing this was not by chance. We did not meet coincidentally. He was my best and I turned out to be his best.
We get to decide how we going to live!
One morning at work this week I decided to wear my wedding boots – genuine cowboy boots imported from the States. The very boots I wore on my wedding day, symbolizing the certainty of what I was walking into. The comfort of being with one man, the love of my life, for the rest of my life. Beautifully designed as only a hand crafted boot can be. It speaks volumes about the first step into a covenantal marriage. But this was the first time I have worn them to work, ever since I got married. And while I’m in the office, this amazing young lady comes to say hello and before you know it we are deeply immersed in a conversation around marriage. Sticking it out and trying to grasp at understanding that we are where we are for a reason. For just a few moments we connected on a level that came naturally. It was easy and open. And I kept wondering about the certainty, comfort and beautiful design of my boots and my marriage that allowed me to share what I could. Coincidence?
You’re probably thinking that this is all a load of rubbish and not possible because of a pair of boots! That’s not the point. The point is to take note of what happens in every moment of your life. The point is to understand we are where we are because of our choices.
My husband and I went to see an optometrist this week. A standard eye check. Being in the health profession, I could not make this appointment without doing some kind of research to find the closest most highly recommended optometrist, who charged medical aid rates and who had good public reviews. Of course who wouldn’t do that! As time consuming as it was, an appointment was eventually made. Although even after deciding this is the one, it still felt like a gamble – maybe he’s good, maybe hes not! I felt I had been meticulous. The appointment went well, but I also found out that both the optometrist and I have shared an unfavourable experience in the Drakensburg. We both have stories to tell with deep emotion. And that’s how we connect. How would I have known that there was someone else out there who also experienced a life shock like myself. Coincidence?
There is no decision or choice without a consequence.
You see, we make decisions every day and its those decisions that determine what we do, how we do it and where we do it. Decisions though, always have consequences, both good and bad, and it’s those good or bad consequences that start to shape our lives. It’s in those times when we have to look for opportunities to be better, braver and stronger!
Even when we make a mistake, a wrong decision as judged by those around us, and it leads to an unintended, unforeseen or even a bad consequence, it’s in those moments we need to dig deep and look for that opportunity to make a difference and change it. Even if it means being on your knees and living on faith. Nothing happens by chance.
Decide – is this who you want to be?
If you just take a moment and reflect on your day, your encounters, your decisions, I am convinced you will start to see how every piece of your life fits together. You will start to see and understand why we are where we are now.
That’s when we grow. That’s when we can truly seek opportunity to be better. That’s when we hold our heads up high and be brave. We do not leave it up to chance, luck, karma, or the universe. We decide and we live.